Dear Patron of The Arts,
Thank you for coming to my silly little show. I know you're busy, and I’m sorry you couldn’t catch the whole thing, but I do hope you enjoyed the twenty minutes of Fringe Theatre you were able to sneak into your evening. What a hoot, hey?
I hope you got home safe. I hope you didn’t scratch the paint parking, or forget to turn the headlights off. I hope you weren't too put out when you mixed up your toothpaste and haemorrhoid cream. I hope the bedbugs didn’t bite. I hope no possum wriggled through the cat flap to piddle on your sofa. I hope the expensive wine you drank wont keep charging in the morning. I hope the call that drags you out of bed isn’t a telemarketer. I hope there’s no screaming kids in your favourite café. I hope no one spits in your coffee. I hope they don’t fart on your eggs. Honest.